THE RANDOM NEWS
TRUTHFUL news for the world
Windows….smarter than they seem?
Yesterday…one
of our WONDERFUL reporters was walking down the street when she stopped in
front of the window. According to her, the window had complicated math problems
carved into it…it seems that windows are smarter than we thought! To those who
thought windows were just objects…this story will be shocking! As you read this
we have reporters all over town examining the windows and asking them questions
about their lives. Soon we will know all about the exiting species called
Windows! To read more, see our Saturday issue.
Have the
cats gone CRAZY?
Just this
morning I was sitting at the table eating breakfast when, I saw 20 cats dancing
down the street in top hats and large purple glasses! What a sight it was! I
have also received a report from a random citizen that he saw his cat doing the
tango with a Barbie doll! What has happened to the worlds cats? I am here to
tell you! Sources have said that all cats are actually aliens from the moon and
they are about to take control of the planet…so they are celebrating! We must
keep the planet in our control at all costs!
Death
by…..magazines!
On Tuesday I
received a call telling me that a person had died….while reading his magazine.
This could only mean one thing….magazines are DEADLY! I have reason to believe
that when opened, magazines release a toxic gas that is poisons the human
nostrils! So if I were you…I would stay away from magazines until further
notice. But newspapers (like this fine one) are safe.
Buzz’s bug spray! So powerful…it keeps away bears!
Please remember that
this newspaper is ABSOLUTLY true…it contains no lies and NEVER stretches the
truth. But all other newspapers lie…so only read this one.
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